second day.

what's with my published time ? -.-

yesterday post was typed in the midnight but it shows morning , aih nevermind that's not important.

had actually not planned to reply him for the whole day.

But as usual , I can't stand for a day that there's no message from him,

or not to send him a message. SIGH.

Today was the last day to work at my mum's kindi. I would have more free time next week onwards.

But , he's not there and if he's there he don't have the time to accompany me so.

I MISS HIM. I can only tell this to myself. He would never ever know anymore.

Was playing Facebook , and saw something ridiculous.

He told me that he was home yesterday nigt ,

but he went out with his friends. And the girl.

Beers , sisha , drunk photos. WTH ?

I held my tears , and it's really really hard to do so. But I was really really sad.

He doesn't think of posting this photos will make me to think more.

And it cuts. hurt so much so much. It was just too much.

And I just bring out the word , BREAKUP.

In the afternoon , after I've fetched my mum to work , I planned to meet him for lunch.

But , there's no reply anymore. He didn't tell me where he is.

So I went to find Chian and Michelle. And... I saw his car.

I think there's no more feeling from him towards me cause he wouldn't ignore me like that before.

Or he really gave up on me.

Just that I'm the one who keep holding back and irritating him.

Heart broke , broke , broke , broke BROKE.

Totally blue. for the whole day and there's still no message !

Imma so die. I'm dreaming when i'm driving , talking , everything in my mind was just HIM.

we've been through so many fights and argues.

We broke up , we be together. And it happens for a few times.

I knew that both of us are heartbroken.

But sometimes argue should've help couples to move on , right ?

Argument will make us to see better option.

I knew that I've did something wrong before. I knew that.

Perhaps this is the time for me to be more mature !

And what I need from him is patience and time :'(

I would really spend my coming days with just only one guy , cause I think he's worth it.

I wouldn't wanted another choice , since I've choose him.

One of our funniest photo ever.

I miss him. I miss our smile when we were together.

I miss

watching movie with him , that was the most amazing thing ever.

shopping with him , he'll always gives suprise.

eating with him , happiest moment ever.

swimming with him , enjoyable moment ever.

hugging him , sweetest thing ever.

having a nap with him , most comfortable sleep I could never ever get.

RAYMOND , I MISS YOU.

Without you , my life are getting away from the right track.

Everything goes off beat , goes to a wrong way.

I couldn't concentrate , couldn't focus.

But you're still out there living with your bunch of friends and the flirty girl happily.

Which after I saw those photos , I don't like them.

I bet he would talk to that how sensitive am I , how annoying am I.

But somehow , thanks them for being with him by that period.

Tears.

I think I've lost a lots of tear as I cried every night since that day onward.

Bringing and living with my swollen eyes on the next morning.

I still have to carry on.

I won't give up on him. I'll still try my best to convince and to touch him.

Was currently addicted to two songs , How Are You by Jay Chou,

A Thousand Years by Christina Perri.

And I'm doing those covers and will be up very soon I think.

The both songs reveal my current situation ALOT.

Gonna off to bed now , I hoped that there's nothing happen on the night later.

Don't think he'll see this since he didn't really cares about me now.

But this blog will be part of my memory and to jot down everything happened.

It's like a diary for us.

Good night raymond. wan an :) nguek <3

the hardest period.

time to write something. Again.

Since this blog is so dead , so I'm just writing for myself.

I guess nobody was following me there.

Every couple goes through few stages ,

They meet , their honeymoon , the comfort stage and also the tolerance.

So now , we are by the stage of tolerance.

There's still quite of suprises , but there were more argues and misunderstanding between us.

The only thing we can do is to tolerate , but we've stucked at this point.

There's lost of trust , lack of caring and supporting and many things revealed.

Doesn't really know he's such a short-tempered boyfriend ,

but it may be because of me. The reason is me.

There's huge fight and argue , we even 'nearly' break up for few times.

And I knew what's the thing that held us together ,

It's that we are still in love with each other.

Till that , I'm still believing in love that it could conquers quite a lots of thing.

A photo of me and him. Taken on 1.1.2012 :)

I've seem like to be a person that are not really know how to express myself or to explain.

So I should write it down over here.

That I really appreciate every single thing he had done to me ,

just that I couldn't find a way to tell him how I really felt deep inside my real heart.

I couldn't tell him how important is him to me ,

that's why he seems not to understand me.

Sometimes somehow , in life , things could not achieve in balance.

You wanna gain , and you'll definitely lose something.

I knew he cares , he was worried about me ,

upon my faults on him , I'm seriously gonna do something to pay back.

Problems is still there.

I really wanna proof that I'm not the kind of person that will make him to worry about ,

but I seem to not have the chance to do so.

As time goes by , I realized that I cannot compare him with my passion.

On the other hand just like he can't choose between me and Wushu. It's the same thing.

Like he always wanted me to choose between him and dancing.

I'm so sorry to him that I couldn't give him a really firm answer and I don't know why.

But what I could promise is ,

I won't stop but I'll just reduce the chances for me to dance , since he don't really like it.

How hope that he could really support me , like if he likes anything , I would support him too.

And I'm sure that this will be a really healthy and happy relationship.

Like one of my friend really did it with her boyfriend.

Not to follow people's way but I wish that both of us could find a way out and move on.

I didn't really choose anything but just keep things in a normal way.

I hoped he would understand.

Throughout those things that happened , I realized that I loved him more.

The love for him is increasing day by day and I don't know why.

It's just love.

But sadly , as my love is increasing , his trust on me is decreasing.

He wouldn't believe how much I loved him.

He's a stubborn kid , but he's my everything.

For me I've just locked myself to him and I dont wanna leave.

Please don't push me away. Let me stay :(

One of the best picture that describes him the most.

He's always like that. And this always made me smiled , made me feel really warm , by that moment I think I was the happiest girl in the whole world.

I don't know why I;m crying while I;m writing this post and I started to laugh here.

Because there's more happy and memorable memory than the bad ones.

I wished he could really accept me all over again , and to understand me more.

He's really my everything.

In exception of my family ,

He's the one I spent most of the time with.

The holiday in December was the most amazing life for me indeed.

We went shopping , swimming and did a lots of memorable thing together.

And one of the greatest suprise was the day that he picked me up from the airport

And he asked me out to have a walk. And there goes the suprise.

He opened up his car booth inside the car , and there was a big present , a cake , a helium balloon ( which I always wanted to have one ) and a booth that was fulled with purple lights.

And he used the guitar to played a birthday song for me , which he learnt himself.

* OMG I CANT STOP CRYING NOW , HOW WISH HE'S HERE.

HE'S MY EVERYTHING.

HE'S MY BABY BOY MY PENGUIN BOY MY HUBBY AND HE'S ME.

I MISS HIM , REALLY MUCH.

Few hours ago he said that however he still love me ,

although we can't be together.

And that's the most hurtful sentence I've never ever heard from him.

I wanted to move on with him ,

wanted to talk with him nicely

but he just couldn't get over it.

Dear , please come back. We cannot just dump our relationship because of just tiny little things.

We still have a really bright future.

I wanted to be your soul partner , wanted to support you in anything,

wanted to work hard together with you on our studies ,

wanted to spend more time with you ,

as you've said that this may be the end of our earth , we should spend more time together.

I hope we doesn't seperate with each other.

You may fall in love with other girls if we doesn't stay in contact.

Please come back , I know you still love me and so I do.

We will be one of the sweetest couple ever.

Not for people to judge but for me and your happiness.

ILOVEYOU. <3